I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
