It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
