Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize