so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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