o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
