Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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