girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
