I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
