they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
