i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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