so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
