Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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