I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
