Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
