I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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