My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
