theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize