she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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