The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this just has baby written all over it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
