I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
