i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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