dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
