Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
