After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
