I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
