I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
