OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
