i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
