How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
