i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think my moral compass just broke
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
