She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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