i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
is that a dick in a sweater?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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