she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that's an acceptable place to lick
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
