apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
