You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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