he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize