Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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