oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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