My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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