Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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