$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so much tequila, so little girl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
please don't ironically join a cult
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