so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
