eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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