every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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