have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
being pregnant is like rehab
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
