I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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