saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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