I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
