A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
