We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
