I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
