I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
