When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
