Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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