I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize