We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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