i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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