How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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