"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
