cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so let's talk penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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