Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
