Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
