whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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