ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
