i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
